day 14 of fortythree

Happy 14th day!

Today was interesting, and it's leaving me in a potpourri state of mind. I have been looking through my notes and would like to document a few things...

It takes courage: Mantra:

to express emotion My mind is clean & clear

to be creative My heart is open & warm

to be humbled My breath is deep & relaxed

to be wrong

to get hurt

to experience

to believe in your dreams

to follow your heart

to love

to be loved.

A few things I have learned over the years:

1. How to appreciate things I do not like.

2. To accept love - we all give and receive love in very different ways.

3. I before E except after C.

4. City like is stimulating and exciting, but most thrive in the rhythm of mother nature.

5. Salt Pepper and Love are the most important (and the best) ingredients.

6. How to act courageously in spite of fear and doubt.

7. The only bird that doesn't get the worm is the bird that doesn't go out to get one.

8. The right decision is the best decision, the wrong decision 2nd best decision, no decision is the worst decision

9. We can change out genetic make up, our thought patterns and our beliefs though intention and the power of love

10. The wise listen and the foolish speak. Which must make me a genius because I can do both like no other!

This is from a great friend, mentor and yoga teacher of mine, Anthony "prem" Carlisi (http://www.ashtangaworld.com/)

"In order to be an authentic teacher, you must first cultivate your own internal power and perception through your own personal practice otherwise you are merely passing on techniques & methods that are just information-oriented and lifeless"

I believe...

in power of our dreams

in the guiding voice within

in the power of the heart

in the immaculate abilities of love

it is never to late to live the life you deserve

it is ok to love yourself:)

Mantra:

Breathe Breathe Breathe

open open open

allow allow allow

peace forgiveness love

As for the growth of my business...I am still playing tug of war with feeling I need to know everything. Shit, Im getting so great at this game! I want to find the most perfect name. AND ITS NOT COMING TO ME. Everyone is saying, you will know...it will come...follow your soul...ah I wish I knew now:)

Making moves, I am going to meet with a graphic designer/artist this week (hopefully if her schedule allows). I have also connected with someone to teach me photoshop and illustrator. I would like to have some basic knowledge so I am not 100% reliable on others to create for me:)

I am open, I feel guided and supported. I love my friends and family and I love the magic that seems to be happening every single day.

Thank you:)

Aloha

:)

day 13 of fortythree

Aloha:)

I would love to dedicate this time in space to a dear friend, role model and gracious human, my beloved friend Abdul "Abid" Al-Shamma. Abid and his wife Ibbie, and their little Jack Russell Pikey because dear friends of mine while I was living on Kauai. I started out as a personal assistant type, helping with all things around the house. Abid had recently experienced a stroke and was always living with the changing and somewhat challenging effects of Parkinson's. I spent more time taking care of Abid as his condition progressed. Three days a week I was able to spend time with my friend. He was such a wise, gentle and loving soul, we all just loved being in his presence. Our routine consisted of reading books and poetry, mostly Rumi, listening to beautiful soft music, watching the news and I would read him the newspaper as well. We shared smiles and laughs, jokes and comments about life and love. Before the Parkinson's kept him downstairs, Abid used to join me in the kitchen and we would make Dolma together. I would put the rice mixture together as Abid would tell me childhood stories. We would make our way onto the lanai and spend the next hour stuffing our grape leaves, zucchini, onions and tomato's and talkin story.

I wasn't able to share daily life with my own Grandparents although I hold infinite and unconditional love for them. Abid and Ibbie felt (and feel) like family to me. I felt a peace and love in the home they made on Kauai, even though the days were filled with visitors and errands, cooking and cleaning. Life existed there. Love existed.

I feel it is very important to honor our elders and honor their passing. We are all connected and woven into this most intricate "lineage of lessons". Abid was a man of integrity, courage, diplomacy and the best smile I have seen. I am grateful for all he taught me and will carry his love in my heart forever.

I would like to ask you (if there is any "you") reading this, to please take a moment and hold your parents and grandparents in a place of love and gratitude. They signify more to us than we realize on the daily and they love us more than we realize on the daily:)

Mahalo Abid:)
Kipona Aloha - Deep love

day 12 of fortythree

Good evening:)

Im watching the goonies after a wonderful day at the outside lands concert in Golden Gate Park. As much as I was there for the music, my main attraction was Groundation (love um!) was doing a little something I called, public research. I was swimming in a sea of fashion, the good, the bad, the ok, Im glad you are expressing yourself and everything else in between. This is going to be a short post, well, because I am pooped and don't really have anything of significant importance to report in:) I will report (hahah!) that I am continually inspired that tee shirts are they way to get your message across. At least a great place to start. My research today provided all the evidence I needed!

Ok, pardon this post. I promise much better content in the future...but I didnt want to miss a day!

I figured something was better than nothing:)

Aloha

xxxoo

:)

day 11 of fortythree

wow. It has been awhile since I felt this exhausted. I love this kind of exhaustion though because it means I am working my mind and my body to it's fullest each day. Ok, probably a bit of an exaggeration, but I am using many a more cells than when I was clocking in and out of my nine to five:)

The culprit of my energy today, and yesterday and the day before is that fact that I haven't found the right name for my company. I would love to call it love&gratitude. But loveandgratitude.com is taken. Every single thing I see and hear I consider. Instead of letting things come to me, I am the hunter, searching for my prey. (ha, I can't believe I just thought that, and more so, typed it!) It's like I am breaking the golden rule of "let go and let god" or simply "allow". I can tell you, there is not alot of allowing and letting go. There is however, tightness and a wrinkle forming between my eyebrows from thinking about this so much. I am happy to have this higher self wisdom, but somehow the higher self and not-as-high self are operating in different lands. Can't we all just get along?!

As always, there is something deeper going on. Some might call this speculating a bit, but I see a pattern here. Focusing all my energy on something that isn't ready, racking my brain and worrying instead of using this energy on things I can accomplish, that are right infront of my face. So, I am letting go. Goodbye need to know the name of my company right this moment in time. Goodbye worrying that I wont find the perfect name. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Hello creativity. Hello having fun researching, meeting people, making connections. Hello inspiration, motivation, love and the watermelon I put in the fridge to get cold because it was parked in the scorching sun outside the market all day today.

Hello momma (because I know you are my faithful reader!)
Hello anyone else that reads this as well:) I love you:)

Mahaloha - my homemade mixture of mahalo and aloha:)

xxxoo
goodnight
:)

day 10 of fortythree

Ten days down, 33 to go.

Im thinking I should start these before the midnight hour! I am so tired, I can barely write...I mean type.

I have to say this one thing before I fall face down into my pillow....I absolutely love living life when I have absolutely NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN! Its crazy! In our day and age we were brought up to go to school, get a job, find safety and security, marry a nice man (or woman) have babies, get a 401K, get this, get that, do this, blah blah blah BORING. I have never felt so alive. ALIVE...like I look forward to everyday! Alive like I function with awareness, because I never know what IS going to happen! Alive like I see the beauty and reason and fine orchestration for all that happens to me...and all that happens around me. I feel apart of everything, everything feels apart of me.

I see my vulnerabilities and insecurities and meet them with compassion....and something else that I have been working on called patience:) Which allows me to see the same in others, and respond with the same patience and compassion. I took a course a few years ago..and the name is escaping me at the moment...but it was about dissolving all the "stories" that we believe are our true selves. I learned (or rather re-recognized) that about 99%of all thoughts, concerns, worries, fears....are not even OURS TO BEGIN WITH. Welcome to the SUBCONSCIOUS.

(Im sure these CAPS LOCKS may come across a bit obtrusive, but its the ONLY way I can express the passion in my voice via the "world wide web" I hope you understand!)

So back to this little point....which happens to be a corner stone for my clothing company, for the most part, we aren't even operating in our conscious mind. I could write a book on this...but many other profound and certified others already have...check out Dr.Bruce Lipton www.brucelipton.com he is my homeboy and I look forward to the day I get to shake his hand! In brief...from the age 0 - 5 our subconscious is open and we are sponges to everything around us which is primarily mom and pop. We absorb language, emotion, patterns, you name it we take it in. Then like magic, come our 5th bday, the subconscious closes up shop, boards up the doors and windows and takes a back seat to our conscious mind. Why is this interesting? Because a majority of us function out of the SUBCONSCIOUS. Do you ever wonder why you may have such weird and sometimes dare I say...awful patterns in life? Do you find yourself in the wrong relationships? Do you find yourself with an underlying thread of fear? or self doubt? or worry? negative self talk? (not that any of these happen to me....(Im Lying))....or you do certain things all the time without taking the time to think...why am I doing this, why am I saying these things? Do you believe certain things because your family believes them? People, I could go on and on but what I am trying to say, in a very short and sweet manner is this...its like a big huge joke on humans. Before we have a chance to know what the heck is going on...we are downloaded with all this "JUNK" (ok...not ALL of it is junk, but Im talking about the junky stuff!) Then we spend the entire rest of our lives, if we are lucky enough, trying to "un-teach" our bodies and our minds. Its like a tape is being played in our mind, but we never pressed play, let alone picked the album. (and this was before wonders like Pandora, which only plays music you like..imagine that!)

Before moving on. I also learned from this wonderful class that eveyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Let me type that again. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Just because we function in stories that may not be ours, does not give way to blame or fault. Quite the opposite infact. It makes way for one of my favorites....

RESPONSIBILITY

Sitting around blaming mom, pop, aunty, this guy or that gal will do you no good. In fact, I believe it is more likely to cause harm, irriation and yuckiness before providing you with real relief and peace.

This clothing line is not just about cool softy comfy tee shirts and dakine...its about educating humanity on coming back to self and being 100% responsible. That means for the good, bad and indifferent. Becoming aware that we are intelligent beings who already know all that we need to know in order to survive...and dare I say, THRIVE:) Its spreading the knowledge that we CAN CHANGE OUR CELLULAR MAKE-UP...get this....we can actually change our freakin DNA. We are incredibly wonderful creations and we deserve to know this...and feel it. Without doubt. With love:)

Ok...I hope this made sense...and if not. Well, I have thirty three more days to make it make sense:)

Stay tuned:)

I have to end with this saying...because I just love it so.

Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do!

Go get um!

<3

day 9 of fortythree

Welcome back to earth:)

I woke up feeling grounded and focused - still excited - but not so kirked out:) After some exercise and cracking open a coconut I was ready to roll. Roll to my computer chair that is...well my computer chair for the next 34 days at least. I spent the majority of my day researching and loved every moment of it. I am such a nerd, it's actually funny. I love it:)

I found myself reading a lot about Hawaii, the aloha spirit and sacred Hawaiian words. For those of you who may not know (which is probably no-one because everyone reading this knows me...i think) I was living on Kauai for a couple years before moving the the East Bay. Kauai opened my heart and nurtured me in ways that only the divine could. If you have ever been there, you may know of the energy and sense of love you feel in the air. I miss it dearly, the way you miss a loved one (ridiculous I know, but I feel like Kauai has been the greatest love of my life....so far that is!) But somehow, Hawaii is always with me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't pass by at least 6 or 7 Hawaii bumper stickers. At first I thought it was Kauai calling me back, but now I feel it is the aloha spirit with me.

Check out the "Essential values to Hawaiian Spiritual Tradition" (no wonder I love this place so much)

Deep reverence & respect for all living objects

laulima - Working cooperatively for the good of the community

Pono - Justice, righteousness, hope and making good. balance and harmony

Lokahi - Harmony in unity

Ho'okipa - Hospitality

Lokomaika - Generosity & goodwill

Ohanaextendedfamily - sisterhood and brotherhood of humanity as central focus of relationships.

Aloha 'aina - Love for the Land, humanity and the environment

Malama - caring for each other and for the land

Aloha - The overriding value of love and care for others

I read somewhere, in the context of creating a non-violent life...

"in order to feel loved, individuals must feel LOVED & NURTURED in an ENVIRONMENT of ACCEPTANCE & TOLERANCE. um hello, America....world... ya think we can work with this?

Just for fun...here is some good vocab:

Ale - language

Aumakua - Source, 8th Chakra

Maoli - real, true, life, heart

Kumu - Teacher, beginning, source, origin, foundation, roots, reason, cause, goal, motive, purpose, why.

Ono - Deliciousness!

Pule - Prayer, blessing, Grace

Kanaka - Human Being

Akua akua - God, Goddess, spirit, Divine

Mauli ola - Breath of life, power of healing

ho'okupu - Offering, gift

ho'omalamalama - enlighten

Kaiai - to enlighten

Malamalama - light of knowledge

na'auao - enlightened

Pualele - to believe

Kalele - to have faith

mahawa pono - opportune time

'eli 'eli - firmly rooted, profound

I LOVE HAWAII (which is said to be the Heart Chakra of the world)

ok ya'll. I feel this was rather a bland entry, but so it is sometimes:)

Aloha wau la'oe

(I love you)

:)

day 8 of fortythree

Ground control to lauren....Ground control to lauren.

I have never done crack before (shocker) but I am feeling quite like a crack head (no offense to any crack-doers out there..we all have our vices) My brain in moving faster than the speed of light, ideas are popping up everywhere, to do list are getting created and re-created just about every other minute on the minute and my head feels like its about to take off into outer space with all the commotion happening inside....

B R E A T H E.

and again.

B R E A T H E.

and once more for good measure (but this one I will keep to myself..you get the idea)

I am so convinced I am wired for instant gratification. After talking to my friend the other day, I feel like tomorrow I will have Fedex at my door delivering samples, a website, a Tax ID number, contacts, contracts, boutique openings, calls from my guys and gals on tv, calls from everyone..everywhere.

Whoa kiddo. How about one step at a time. How about doing the leg work...how about finding a designer....how about a little thing called ALL THE IMPORTANT DETAILS:) I can take the above paragraph and put it in personal storage for...I dont know..about a year, or two...or three!

To add to the grit and beauty of being cracked out on excitement and enthusiasm for a project and personal goal, I had a head-on-collision with my vulnerability around 3pm this afternoon. The sun was out, not a cloud in the San Francisco sky and yet I managed to be blindsided by the darn thing. I was on the phone with someone very close to my heart, whom I have revealed my ideas, and dreams and all that shit you talk about...while talking about that kind of shit, and they had mentioned they were going to design a tee shirt...WITH MY EXACT IDEA (which yes I know, I still havent revealed....in time) Without thinking this person was actually doing something to support me and inspire me...My mind B-lined it to insecure land faster....faster than something really fast (sorry, I am doing the best I can while my mind is zooming all around....also really fast) I stopped talking and froze....Oh shit, I thought. They are STEALING MY IDEA. WHAT THE HECK%$*$ Until I was told that the idea...which for sake of the other party...had been discussed in the past, was only to inspire me and show me an example of what it could look like. Which boils the whole thing down to this....Could I really be that attached to "my idea"?

Hmmmm, a sweet little lesson of attachment. Maybe this dream of mine happens and maybe its even bigger than my dream. Maybe it doesn't happen at all. The point being, None of these things are me. They are just an expression. I was delivered a sweet whisper in my ear saying, Lauren, let go. All is how it should be. Thank you ebebesoom:)

Just a side note...I had a wonderfully brief interview to be available for an on-call catering/serving gig downtown SF www.roe-sf.com. I didn't even have to wait for a call...10 minutes into the interview and I was set up to work next Tuesday. I have another interview Thursday for another catering job and hopefully between these two, and a 3rd I met with BB (Before Blog) I will be able to bring home the bacon. oink.

I want to end saying two things.

1.THANK YOU to everyone who loves me and teaches me and is patient with me and talks to me honestly and listens to me (and still loves me after that!) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH<3

2. Thank God for cheesy chic flicks, the local movie joint up the street that rents video's for a few bucks and the free popcorn from an old fashioned popper that you can nibble while you browse.

AMEN AND GOODNIGHT:)

xoxo
:)

day 7 of fortythree

Goodmorning Goodmorning! (9:33am)

First thing in the am I read my emails and as I mentioned before I get a message from "The Universe". I also mentioned that everyone gets the same message, but it is uncanny how precise the message is to my life. This was my message for the day...

Lauren, I know what it's like. I've seen it played out a few zillion times. You're waiting for that magical day when someone makes the connection and recognizes who you really are (Um yes...I just wrote that last night!) Maybe they'll catch the sparkle in your eye. Or perhaps they'll marvel at your insights and the depth of your spirit. Someone who will help you connect the dots, believe in yourself, and makes sense of it all. Someone who will understand you, approve of you, and unhesitatingly give you a leg up so that life can pluck your ready, ripened self from the branch of magnificence. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well, I'm here to tell you, lauren, your wait is over. That someone, is you.

The Universe

Wow. So, about all that self doubt. That feeling that I NEED someone else to make it all happen. Maybe I shouldn't wait to bump into these key people, but seek them out. Lets see how the day goes:)

Good Afternoon Good Afternoon (12pm)

I just got off the phone with a long time amazing friend, who is making incredible strides with her jewelry line http://www.silentgypsyjewelry.com/. I am so grateful...no I am so much MORE than grateful for these amazing inspirational people in my life. She spent about 1.5hrs on the phone with me, giving me the rundown on the basic, must have, must do start up steps. They include registering my "company" as an LLC, which entitles me to a Tax ID number, further entitling me to purchase clothing at wholesale. Next comes registering with the State of California for a vending license, grabbing a domain name on http://www.godaddy.com/ and getting my "Legit Ducks in a nice organized row:) While those things are going on, I will be making moves to reaching my second goal. Which is to enter the Renegade Craft Fair, http://www.renegadecraft.com/ which will be held Dec 19th & 20th in SF. Applications due by Oct. 9th. In order to be there, I need a product! During the next few weeks, I will be meeting art students, freelance graphic designers, freelance tattoo artists and wait until I feel a connection with the right person for the job. I will have 5 designs created as well as a LOGO (muchos importantos), which can be put on tee's, tanks, hoodies and bags (I will start simple and just go with tee's). Once I have my designs on file, I will connect with the Silk Screener (who I will also look for while interviewing for designs) to create the screens and voila...make the vision a reality.

WOW:)

All the while, I will start creating "inspiration pages" My friend used this word, and I think its perfect. This way I have something to hand my designers that expresses my taste and direction for the design. Fonts, Colors, Graphics, Designs, ect. Its gonna be fun:)

AS LIFE IS MEANT TO BE:)

I will also connect with a "web master"(who may be the same person as the designer?!) who can help me create a clean, clear, inviting and simple website with a few photos, buttons and all the other details that I will need that I currently know nothing about.

Once these steps are completed, onto press & promotional prints...postcards with pics, contact info and a bit about the designs....educating the consumer/buyer is what its all about!

(small side note...Listening to Pandora.... http://www.pandora.com/ bob marley singing wake up and live...)

WAKE UP AND LIVE NOW:)

Once I get my LLC, I will open a bank account with Bank of America in the companies name...making it smooth as butter to keep all transactions in line....which will be more than handy come tax time:)

This is my dream, these are my first few goals in getting there. I believe in myself, I feel so focused, energized, alive and aligned while talking, thinking and creating this. This is what I am meant to do. This is what I am:) LOVE, CREATIVITY, INSPIRATION, EDUCATION, and a massive amount of CHEESE:P

love&gratitude

:)

p.s. Back on the visualization party bus....I will be on the next season of Project Runway as a guest judge. The challenge will be to create clothing with a positive message using recycled materials:) The winner will be able to create a limited edition design and choose the charity of his/her choice that the proceeds will go to. (or something like that!)

day 6 of fortythree

Raymond, you will be happy to know that tonight I will be in bed before 11:30. Sleeping I cannot promise, but in bed is a guarantee!

On the 6th day of my "blogging" I have a few observations. I have observed that I have a lot of thoughts through the day that I like to share along with questions and wonders of how and why we are the way we are. I have also observed, and as promised in the first entry I will be embarrassingly honest, that I have a lot to say about creating this clothing line but I have yet to see myself take real action.

So, I need to devise a plan. With goals and deadlines...I am being serious here! I feel talking about it and setting your intentions and visualizing are all great tools, but nothing can take the place of walking the walk. (clearly, I have no issues with the talking part!)

I bought a book titled, and appropriately so, How To Set Up and Run a Fashion Label a few weeks ago from this great little bookstore down the street at Diesel Bookstore http://www.diesalbookstore.com/ . Tomorrow I will start with Goal Numero Uno. Which is prefaced....BEFORE SETTING UP IN BUSINESS....ten things to think about right from the start.
1. Assess yourself - strengths, weaknesses
2. Have a Word - with as many people to get advice
3. Make sure there is a business opportunity
4. Research the market - "just because you think your idea is great doesn't mean others will"
5. Get relevant experience - (I can foresee myself stepping over this one)
6. Put it down in a plan
7. Build Relationships - (I think I have this one down
8. Get Support
9. Seek professional advice - Luckily my pops in an accountant - a Lawyer...I will have to work at the one:)
10. This one is HUGE FOR ME and I will write the whole thing.
Money in - usually less. Money out, always more. Is it quite common for new business owners to overestimate their projected income and underestimate costs. While being optimistic is part and parcel of being an entrepreneur (wow, I finally have a career title!), being prudent when making your initial forecast may save your blushes later.

So here we go ladies and gentlemen...Goal setting 101.

By Friday, August 28th I will have all 10 Items started, and those that are quick tasks, completed (all documented via this portal in the world wide web). Along with any and all other wonderful synchronistic things that happen to me:)

Its weird for me to take this stance, because I so just want things to happen. I want to walk down the street and bump into an amazing silk screener who can print my ideas. Then I want to bump into the organizer of the farmers markets and when she finds out I have awesome clothes that not only spread the message of love and gratitude but heal on the cellular level (I know I haven't talked much about my idea is specifics, but trust, it is AMAZING!) and she tells me how I can set up a tent at the market. I am ok with starting small...but I am also looking forward to getting a call from Oprah (ok, Oprah's people) telling me I have to come in for a show, Oprah heard about me and wants to run a story! (yes, I am that cheesy, and honest, that I put in print I want to be on Oprah....wow.) Not to mention my mentors and teachers (even though they don't me yet) Dr. Bruce Lipton and Dr. Masaru Emoto are thrilled and aligned with my mission and jump on-board. Since life keeps getting better, I get a call from Michael Franti, he wants to wear my tee shirt for his next show, and asks if I can send him a bunch. Sure Michael, no worries! Before I know it, my life is bigger than I can even grasp at this moment in time. I am travelling all over the world, connecting with incredible people doing amazing things to raise the consciousness and positive vibes of humanity. I am inspired and inspiring. I set up foundations, schools, workshops...all from starting with a tee shirt.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

MAKE IT HAPPEN.

(I definitely like the visualization better than the reading and writing business part!) Which is why....sometime between here and there, I find the Best Business partner ever, who can translate my visualization into actual..and legal...business jargon:)

aLOVEha
:)

day 5 of fortythree

Today I was filled with three wonderful things.

1. www.3fishstudios.com Eric and Annie are the most incredible, fun loving, artistic and creative young older (than I am) people ever! I took a linocut class at their studio in San Francisco all day and had a blast! I was surrounded by international folks who made me laugh and appreciate our unique differences! By the end of the 7th hour, my brain was exhausted. I haven't focused so meticulously in quite some time....is that a good or bad thing?

2. A wonderful glass of Zin. I usually go for the pino nior, but lets be real....my palate doesn't discriminate too much. There is a huge margin, and I actually encourage things to test the boundary.

3. Casa Sanchez corn tortilla chips. Im sorry...no wait...Im not sorry, they are damn good and when you can't eat wheat or gluten, you find a whole new appreciation for things made of corn:)

Looking back over the day, I didn't do much as far as physical accomplishments go for creating this clothing line. Instead I reinforced strings of a tighter cord. I witnessed and experienced how love, compassion, a desire to create and share has brought two incredible individuals together....who have in turn created awesome art and the most beautiful work/chill/brew consuming studio ever!

I felt my cells come to life and my imagination take off when I surrounded myself with inspiring people and the tools of heaven to a closet arts-and-crafts fanatic.

I have realized I have this insatiable Sweet tooth to create. I will do all I can to satisfy that:) I must be honest and say that I also have a sweet tooth for chocolate and ice cream and smootches too:) and will do all I can to satisfy those as well!

You have gotta find what it is that you love, and do it. Find who it is that you love, and be with them, and realize when you are full, so you dont have a belly ache from eating too many casa sanchez corn tortilla chips:) *

*Disclosure....we dont always know exactly what, who or when...and thats ok:)


Perfect timing....its 12am and that start of a whole new day:)

Until then.
Ci vediamo
:)

day 4 of fortythree

What is this all for? What is this whole show all about? The people, the decisions, the emotions, the chances and mistakes and fortunes and losses. What is it all about???







For some time I thought it was to prove a point. I thought it was to speak (louder than the rest) I thought it was to be right, not wrong. What is so interesting to me, is that as much as I thought it was about being all those things, there was always a part of me that felt or thought I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, capable enough, smart enough, talented enough, _____________ (fill in the blank) enough. No matter what good came into my life something else always happened that made me feel lacking. And I believed that was true. I believed I was LACKING.


I had a wonderful conversation this evening with a new friend. And I found myself saying something along the lines of we are perfectly ourselves. There is no one else than can be us...better than us! (I'm talking rocket science here people...please try to stay with me!) For so long, I felt so unsure of who I was, that I wasn't comfortable being me. We all have insecurities, we all long for true, unconditional love, for the job that serves our soul and our bank account equally and a sense of love and happiness when we see our reflection looking back. Things will always be happening in our life: parents divorce, we end a relationship, we get a new job, we loose a friend, we have a baby, we feel great, we feel like shit. We can only do the best we can with what we have.


My mission, my goal for starting this clothing line is to create a doorway for the everyday person to connect with self. To change the way we view ourselves and more importantly the way we think about ourselves. These are our days. There are so many opportunities to learn, to evolve, to give thanks, forgive and love. However, we must first learn how to connect with self. My mission is to EMPOWER, EDUCATE, SUPPORT and INSPIRE as many people as I possibly can to live the best life ever. I cannot tell anyone what that will mean for them. We all find joy and happiness in our own unique ways. But I can and will raise the awareness and incredible power of LOVE & GRATITUDE.

My message.

sit under your own tree. be your own guru.

:)

day 3 of fortythree

Aloha Day 3! Who knew you would be so incredibly amazing:)

I find myself waking up with a bit an "anxiety" Its a combination of excitement and mystery lined with a twinge of....what the heck am I DOING!??!. Thats when my gratitude for Ashtanga yoga, meditation and knowing that all things are exactly perfect as they are. I take a deep breathe....and another (because sometimes one just ain't enough) I acknowledge that my thoughts are kirking (which means bugging out) I allow myself to release the dizzy storm of confusion and doubt and start up the engine for the positive, high vibing, all connected love train. (Holy shiitake mushrooms, I am so cheesy:P)

On with the day...who knows where it will lead. My mantra today, I am open to the magic, I am guided.


Well, even though the day isn't over yet, I feel confident that today was..and still is...all about SYNCHRONICITY.
For those of you Websterholics...http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/synchronicity

For those of you who don't need Webster's to understand the meaning of things in our life....Synchronicity to me, means the way God/Spirit/Source/Allah/The Cookie Monster communicates to us that they are guiding us, to trust, believe, have faith and roll with it:)

Today I have been guided and let to believe, without a doubt, that there is a greater force to all that is being done. That is there is much more being done than meets the eye. And that in order to believe, we must open our hearts wide enough to receive.

I was debating going into details about the day, but it was so great, I thought why not!

I ran into (literally, like my front bike tired hit up against her front bike tire) a old friend that I had no idea was living in the same neighborhood...At the same time a new friend of mine walked across the street saying he was just thinking about calling me because he may have some extra catering work for me (which is great because I was recently let go from my job!) {amen} Next I was at this great little shop, buying a tutu dress from my niece, when I started talking with the sales lady. Is there anyone I don't talk to? 9 out of 10 times...no:) We get to talking and I tell her that I am looking to design some tee shirts. She tells me this gal came in wearing an amazing tee shirt that her 15year old daughter silk screened...weaving it all together:)

Now time to weave it all alone, and go to bed! HA!

Bon Soir:)

day 2 of fortythree

Day two:)



I get a little message from the universe everyday in my email. Apparently everyone gets the same message, but I find it remarkable how 9 out of 10 times it seems like it was created just for me. For example, today's message:

"The real reason so many have trouble with baby steps, lauren -- doing all they can, with what they've got, from where they are, no matter how humble or seemingly futile -- is because they haven't yet grasped that the baby steps trigger unseen forces that throw wide the floodgates of unstoppable momentum, infinite abundance, and eternal life

Just some tiny steps,

The Universe"

So there is my mantra (well at least one) for today. Baby steps. Let go of the need for instant gratification. Be open to what they day brings:)

Fast forward to the end of the day....Hi, its 11:35pm and I'll tell you how this day went. Lauren...meet Organization. Organization meet Lauren....this must be the first time you two have met! I thought it would do me a huge....incredibly ginormous....service to consolidate all of my data into one notebook, which I can then use to create the "bomb" portfolio. ("bomb" would only be funny to those that know me...because apparently I say it all the time!) I created an ideal situation in my minds eye that included me meeting the CEO of some wonderfully eco-friendly conscious, multimillion dollar company who happened to think my idea (which I will talk about soon!) is one of the best idea's ever to cross their path. They are so excited to get the ball rolling and want to see what I have. In rolls me, and the Atlas Moving brown cardboard box (courtesy of my roommate's moving to Texas) and out rolls the water stained, half doodled, half to-do-lists notebooks and journals with my ideas and drawings. Hmmm...not exactly how I would want that to go down.

I made it through most, surprised and inspired by my own words. Who knew we were so smart!

Here is a little sample. Like the cheese bowl at the market...except you won't need a toothpick for this one:)

...Let go and be open for wonderful and amazing experiences to come into your life so you can learn, grow, evolve and feel what it's like to live in alignment with the source of all life...love<3.....

Bon Soir:)

day 1 of fortythree.

Aloha:)

Hi. I was so excited to start this blog after seeing Julia and Julie (so cheesy I know, but what can I say!) Now I am sitting in front of my computer, and I have stage fright! Or better yet, blog-fright!

The reason I want to do this is because I have this dream to create something that I can't let go of. I feel like I am in the right place and the time is right and I need to make things happen for myself. I am dedicated and inspired to live my dreams. Why not!?

This blog is going to be my clutch (wish it wasn't so, but I promised myself I would be brutally honest for this whole experiment) for self discipline. If I know I have to report in, I will. My conscious is so, that if I know I HAVE to do something, well, simply, I must do it. I have noticed in the past I will get an idea, then spend all my time talking about how it isn't happening. Then I spend the next few bits of time talking about how bummed I am that it's not happening. Then I talk about how bummed I am that I let myself get bummed that my dream isn't happening. One of many vicious cycles. Not this time:)

This is for real. At least in this moment in time. And as I said to a new friend of mine. I am only here and it is only now:)

Since I am being brutally, and probably embarrassingly honest....I feel the need to disclose this little tidbit off the bad as well.....I have this tendency to feel...and think...that I cannot do anything by myself. Which of course is a false statement, but none the less, I feel like I NEED others in order to create this dream of mine. I am all about collaboration. But that is a very different thing than feeling at the mercy of others. So this blog is to serve me on a few different levels.

I have two guidelines for myself.

1. Be honest
2. Be so embarrassingly honest

The truth is...as I write this, I cant help but think...great another girl with another dream blogging about it. how freakin original.

But I am dedicated and as uncomfortable and weird it was for me to write this first entry...I have faith they will smooth out and hopefully at the end, I will see that I am proactive in making my dreams a reality. That I have created a life where I live in the present moment, with an open mind and and open heart. That magic, synchronicity and alignment really do exist. That life is about following your heart and your inner guidelines instead of what the general public deem as true.....which is a whole other entry in itself:) and proof that yes, it is the journey, not the destination that really matters. (even though I think I would instinctively go for instant gratification if I could!)

I have this card posted in front my desk that says...

Never let the odds

keep you from doing

what you know in your heart

you were meant to do!

(h.jackson brown jr.)

well....Mr H.Jackson Brown Jr. I am about to do just that:)

Thanks for reading...and I will be back tomorrow.

Aloha
love&gratitude
:)