day 43 of FORTYTHREE

***Warning*** the following has to do with Bodyscaping...aka...landscaping for the body to keep it nice and pretty....

WAX ME WHERE?!?!?!

I had just endured 5 minutes of waxing in an ever so delicate area when the aestetician asked me to roll over on my belly. I followed ordered..thinking to myself, Hmmm, this is weird, but ok. Then she asks me to grab my buttocks and spread my cheeks.

WHAT?!?

I asked her if she was serious. "EXCUSE, but ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Yes. she said. Her clients have been asking to wax INBETWEEN THE CHEEKS so often that she added it as part of the deal.

Wait. Excuse me. No offense, but people pay to get the inside of their butt waxed??? Really??!!? I have always been one to stay neat and well...neat, but this is ridiculous.

Are we that concerned about our looks that we feel the need to get our inner buttocks waxed.

Times they are a changing I guess.

In the end, I ended up with hands-down the best wax EVER, and I left with cheeks-au-naturale.

http://www.mariynjaegerskincare.com/ if you are in the bay area:)

Tomorrow morning I am off to Austin Texas for the Austin City Limits Festival! YAY!!

Then down to Padre Island to visit my best friend.

Then back to the East bay for 2 weeks

Then to Kauai for...the winter:)

I will be starting another blog and hope you all follow me there as well!

Thanks so much for being inspiration for me to get going with my dreams!

I love you all to the ends of the universe and back, TWICE!

hahah:)

xxxoo

:)

day 41 of fortythree

Im sitting here in a half packed room once again and feel inclined to jot some things down...what better place to do so than here! I realized the other day that I havent lived in the same house for more than two years since I left home for college. In 2000. Almost TEN years ago.

2 years of dorm living

2 years of off campus housing - in 2 different houses

3 years of summer housing

1 semester in Europe

3 months on my friends couch on 94th and 1st

2 years in my own bed in NYC (1 year in a room, 1 year in a make shift living-room room)

6 days on an "organic farm" (which that is was not) on the Big Island, HI

3 weeks at a house on the north shore of Oahu, HI

1 week at a house on Maui, HI

1 week at a house on Kauai, HI

1 week at a bed and breakfast on Kauai, HI

5 months at a house on Keneke St, Kauai, HI

1.5 years at a house on Ulua Street, Kauai HI

1 Week on a couch in Oakland, Ca

7 months at a house on Keith Ave, Oakland, CA

3 months at a house on Colby Street, Oakland, CA

NEXT - somewhere on Kauai with my beautiful friends...then maybe paris? india?

(thats a whole lotta packing and unpacking people)

As you can see, its fair to say I have moved around quite a bit the past few years or 10 or so. But I have never felt so at home with who I am than I do know. If it took me packing and upacking for the past ten years, well I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't realize this saitsfaction in my own "homeness" until the other day. I was having a glorified midnight txt msg conversation with an old friend and he told me, or rather texted to me...(verbatim), "U r not settled. U r all over the map. U have no roots. No home other than your own...(the rest I will leave out because it is neither here nor there) This person was telling me the truth of my life as seen through their eyes. (The only truth of your life is through your own eyes...) I don't think he was trying to insult me, but he sure as heck wasn't trying to make me feel great. The funny thing is, I have never been so pleased with a statement before! One of my life goals has been to establish my own "foundation" and to feel at home wherever I may go. It seems I am right on track with that one!

It wasn't until I read this message that I realized how far I had come. Time flys by so fast, we rarely take the time to notice all that we accomplish between this job and that new relationship, moving here and moving there. I am here to declare that it doesn't matter with who or what or where you are at any given time, because you are ALWAYS HERE AND NOW. The only house one can have is their own "internal house". All the material substances we weigh our successes on are nothing but creations of the ego and can be gone in the blink of an eye. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE things. Especially nice things. But those things don't make you any more you than..well... shoots im drawing a blank! Any more than something that doesn't do a damn thing for you!

So here is to you, I raise my glass (and so does my buddy in the picture above) for all you have done, all the lessons and experiences you have travelled through to get you to this point. I raise my glass again (why stop its so much much!) for all the wonderfully empowering and self-realizing adventures to come! Shabbat Shalom!

I look forward to seeing you there!

LOVE&GRATITUDE.

day 37 of fortythree

Accepting and opening ourselves to receive unconditional love. From self, from others & from the universe. Easier said than done, but none the less the results will far surpass the efforts. I do not know for sure, in personal experience as I still feel blocked in that area but my "higher self" knows that is an unquestionable truth.

Blocks. When we are young we are told to play with them. Here junior or juniorette, here are blocks in every shape and color, texture and density, alphabets, letters and colors oh my for you to build and create and ultimately demolish. Without a care in the world we built towers and castles, homes and fortresses to play out our childhood fantasies and dreams. We were free to create and explore the depths of our imagination and play roles that felt right or intrigued us. I would pretend to be an archaeologist. I would take my moms blush brush and walk around dusting everything looking for "discoveries". Skeletons, diamonds, jewels, I loved every second. When I grew tired of that dream I would move onto the next. No worries, no harm down.

Blocks these days are of a different kind. They are built out of nothing more than our deranged constructed stories, yet feel more concrete than a New York City sidewalk....at 5:30pm...on a wednesday. We may not even know where or why they came to be, but come to be they have. These blocks have taught me a thing or two the hard way, and I am just now learning how to navigate through them with grace and a bit of poise. They used to sabotage my life. Cut me down, spin me 'round and spit me the heck out....but only because I let them.

Follow your soul. Listen to your heart. Do what feels right, even if your mind reasons it as wrong. Life is here to be experienced. Life is here to be enjoyed. my best friend is the perfect example of that and I hope she reads this so she knows how much I admire her for just that. Be grateful for your past, but let it go. Be in the moment, here and now and give out what you intend to receive.

day 36 of fortythree

Goodmorning friends and family!

I wanted to start the day by giving thanks and sending love&gratitude to everyone and everything. especially those that know my phone number by heart:)

Let's be open and allowing for the magic and beauty of the day to unravel:)

Let your dreams be real, let yourself be guided from your heart and have some fun!!
Laugh with your friends, get out in nature, stay positive, stay in love&gratitude.

Ill be back later:)

Aloha
:)

day 29-35 of forty three

Aloha world!

I have taken a small break from writing because I felt I wasn't accomplishing much and didn't think anyone would want to hear about what I was doing while I wasn't doing what I set out to do.....right.

Anyway, life, as I keep learning IS NOT about what we think we are SUPPOSED to or SHOULD BE doing. My best friend has a ring that says it all. It is the journey, not the destination.

I will write more towards the end of the day, but after some care and concern from some dear friends, I realized I needed to get "blogging" again!

9:29pm Monday, September the 21st, 35th day out of 43. holy schmeggegies! (my mom is visiting and her yiddish sayings are definately rubbing off on me!)

Patience, compassion, patience, compassion, patience, compassion.

I have been finding myself in an interesting place the past two weeks. I am not a violent person by nature, but I keep picturing a boxing ring with "american culture" in one corner and "universal truth" in the other. American culture "AC" throws out a punch screaming you have nothing to show for yourself, you are 27years old and havent even lived in the same place for more than 24months. You are single, financially surviving, but far from thriving, you have no assets, or savings, or stocks. You say you want to start this company, but where is your product? what is your plan? how will you do it? WHAM. Universal Truth "UT" comes back from being wailed in the face as if nothing has happened. There are no guidelines to life besides what feels right for you. There is no timeline waiting to be filled in on the dotted lines. Time doesn't exist. Your fear is not real. Finances do not make you. Everything is happening exactly as it should be. Let go. Let go. Let go.

AC - 5

UT - 12

stay tuned.

I only feel this, on my 35th day of blogging; If you dont believe in yourself, who can you believe in. If you dont take on risk on yourself, well what the heck do you expect out of life. Just do it. Whatever is in your heart, give yourself a fair chance. You have nothing to loose and simply everything in your wildest imagination to gain. (which can get pretty wild for some people!) If it really is about the journey, well than make it one to remember. Let yourself get burnt, let yourself learn there are more ways than one to cut a cake - or slice a pie or whatever the saying is. Sheer a sheep?! I have spent the past month and a half and more or less the past 15 years studying and learning about all these incredible esoteric life teachings, writings, ancient texts and new discoveries and and it still doesn't change what feels right before it has the chance to register with my brain.

WE ARE REALLY GENIUSES IN DISGUISE! I CRACKED THE CODE!! HALLELUJAH!!!

ok...this little genius is tired. and promises to write tomorrow. and also promises to up the content anty:)

Aloha

:)

As Heidi Klum says, in the world of blogging, sometimes your in. sometimes your out.

*disclosure - the time on the clock is not a true estimate of my actual return:)

:)

xxoo

day 29 of fortythree

Life is everything we make it. We truly create every single moment and experience. The quest is to take ourselves from living behind the blindfolds of the subconscious into the conscious and further into the all expansive super conscious. We need to feel our breathe moving in and out and know there is more going on that what we see projected on this screen of ours. There are 50trillion cells working cooperatively within our physical bodies that allow us to be. There are energies working cooperatively in the etherel that allow us to be. We need to allow fears to dissolve. Allow pain to dissolve. Allow regret and guilt to dissolve. To feel these are human. To feel these are necessary for continuing on the path towards truth. Towards free, unconditional love. Feel love pulsating in your stomach. Feel love pulsating in your feet. Feel love coursing through your veins and feel love radiating from your physical body. See yourself in everyone you pass. Accept yourself in everyone you pass. See the world for the strength and courage it has to be and do so many different things. See yourself for the strength and courage you have to be and do so many different things. There is no one who can be you. You are the only one. No one can laugh like you, no one can create like you, no one can be. you.

You are here to shine in your greatest life. Not light, but life. Here and Now. You have chosen to live in this time to taste, touch, see, smell and feel the world around you. Follow your bliss. Listen to your heart. Live from your heart. Take chances, know there are no mistakes, all is exactly as it should be. Understand the divinity in chaos, as chaos is divinely just. Welcome your souls calling. You are meant to be amazing. You are meant to live with passion and purpose. You are here to LIVE.

Take just one moment and thank yourself. Thank your body for carrying you, Thank your body for protecting you. Thank your 50trillion cells that make you...you. Today is another opportunity to make things pono(right in hawaiian) Today is another opportunity to be conscious and live in LOVE&GRATITUDE:)

I am conscious. I am love&gratitude. I am focused. I am loved. I love<3

Aloha

xxoo

day 28 of fortythree

I was looking through my journals this evening in an attempt to get inspired. Although things are moving slowly on the accomplishment end, they are moving none the less. My logo is rounding 2nd base and so far I am very pleased. I love the name of this company and I cannot wait to see one of these designs in the physical.

So, the passage. I am not sure where I saw it, but it is lovely.

The only way to get what you want,

is to know what you really want.

and the only way to know what you really want,

is to know yourself.

and the only way to know yourself,

is to be yourself.

and the only way to be yourself,

is to listen to your heart.

What do ya say ladies and gentleman! Lets listen away. But first, there is more...

This is not a painless process.

Especially when you consider what it would take to emotionally

accept going towards that which is completely opposite to

what you are used to, familiar, predictable, consistent and secure!

I came across a rough draft of my original business plan and feel it would serve me to put these words out to the world.

...I see people from all walks of life changing their outlook on life from this concept. I see the awareness of self-healing grow as people become educated on how powerful thoughts and words really are. I see people taking responsibility for their own lives. I see people that take the time to make conscious decisions and choices. I see people that live in their hearts.

...my individual purpose is to drop the atomic love bomb on the world. Unconditional love and inspiration for all. I was once told that I had to "get real" and "stop living in a dream world and join the real world. Which meant stressing and worrying all the time". "Get real", I thought???? My body and my mind could not compute how that was equivalent to "real". I became aware that I was going to be an example that our dreams can be "real". I will show that it is possible to have an inspiring and fulfilling life. I will show that it is possible to believe in something so much, see it come alive in your dreams and thoughts, to work hard (harder than you ever thought you could) persevere and finally, wake up to realize it is no longer solely in your thoughts and dreams but alive in the physical, tangible world. At this moment nothing is more important than following my own intuition, creating the life I want to live, being of service to others and making a big difference in a positive way.

...the more mindful we are to different areas in our lives that keep coming up for review (which is a nice way to say when we notice we are on the gerbil wheel...) the better we can handle and be prepared for what is being asked of us to learn. The signals will be there. We need to take off the blinders, let go of assumptions and be open:)

We can live our dreams

We can create our dreams

1 person can make a difference

but a whole lot of people can make a whole lot of difference.

My mission is to create a mmd sustainable company that serves all in the highest and best way with ease and grace. To provide high quality, detail oriented, locally produced love filled offerings to the world inspiring, encouraging and supporting those ready to make a conscious difference in their lives. To provide an arena for health, healing, self-inquiry, universal love and appreciation to manifest. To feel alive, love and be loved every single moment of every single day. I am committed to living, creating and enjoying health, balance and freedom on all levels.

I AM ALSO COMMITTED TO LEARNING HOW TO NOT ABUSE RUN-ON-SENTENCES! (bear with me....RRRRRRAAAARR!)

Tomorrow - wake up with an intention for the day. Think of one thing you have always wanted to do differently and make a conscious effort to follow through. Wash, rinse and repeat:)

Aloha

:)