Aloha :)
wow. where to begin. I have so much to say, I have had so many thoughts and feelings and emotions its possible I just lived through 17 different lifetimes in the past 32 hours:)
I will start where I am at this moment and make my way back in time. Today is the first day in awhile that I am feeling the need to be quiet (what a rare moment I know!) and go within. Alot has happened in this big world of mine over the past month (and 27years) and sometimes we need to hang up our "will return sign". As a women, we are blessed with a monthly opportunity to slow down, take care of ourselves, nourish, reflect and recharge. It has been said that we are the divine and let me tell you, even the divine need some down time:) So after an 11am interview at an up and coming Internet business, Zynga (maybe you have heard of mafia wars?) well, that is theirs, and the company is named after the CEO's pup...who just passed away:( I have a full time job if I want it. No I will not be programming computer games but creating the nutritional feasts that will enable the know hows to create computer games. It's super mellow, so very flexible, there are dogs all around (except in the kitchen!) and the company is about to take off. I've got a "test run" next Wednesday and we will see how it goes. Until then, I am letting go, trusting that I am guided and supported in order to accomplish, live, love and learn all that my soul desires.
Ok tour, moving on to the next exhibit. RELATIONSHIPS. yay. my favorite and equally my not favorite. Please let me know that I am not alone when I say this next realization. The one thing I want and desire more than anything else is the one thing I fear and question more than anything else. I know I am not a total freak of nature - although it has been questioned in the past (seriously)...but I have to believe the population is not 1 with this. Fear and doubt only exist when we resist. But what exactly am I resisting? Am I resisting being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with the right person? Have I really learned enough over the past few years to really really know how to listen to myself. Will I really know when it is the right person, and is it ok to not know? I have come to this place of vulnerability. I just don't know. I do trust myself and I know there are no mistakes, but this mind of mine is still on a steady march towards peace. Sometimes I find myself thinking more than feeling. Questioning, analysing and wishing I was the A type personality so I could successfully write a 2 column pro and con list...(but alas I am not!)
I used to drive myself crazy with all these thoughts. I am not at the place in my spiritual practice where I can let them go as quickly as they arrive, but I am at the place where after a nights rest, I can find the chord of harmony between heart and mind. I used to repeat these questions of doubt and worry over and over and over and over and you-get-the-point in my mind until...ta-da, I created a negative, worrisome and doubtful situation. All hail the universal power of our thoughts. The universe creates blindly. There are no negative or positive, there only IS. Which is why, it is my mission to educate as many humans as possible on their infinite power to create their reality. To educate people on their infinite power to heal, nurture, create, experience and express themselves.
On my bart ride back to the east bay this little voice came into focus. Sweet girl, it said. The longer you ponder your doubts, the longer you will doubt. Change your belief, change your biology. Create the life you want. Well big bold and beautiful universe, this is what I want. This is what I am creating.
I have a beautifully rich life of color, sound texture and taste. I am surrounded by the warmth of love from my friends and family which allows me to generate this warmth to all those I come in contact with. I am the CEO of an incredible conscious and life-promoting and financially successful "community" (Company doesn't feel right to me) where we are able to contribute our love, knowledge, education, experience and vibration to this powerful changing cosmic shift. I am grounded and breathe deeply. I am in the most incredible, loving and compassionate relationship with natures most beautiful man. We inspire, support, challenge, encourage and laugh and love on the daily. Our communication is as clear as Kauai's night sky. We live in trust. We live independently in perfect unison, always conscious of self and other - not to get the two confused! I live a life where I am 100% responsible. That is for everything. My communication and language, my emotions, my actions, my diet, my health and my happiness. I am empowered and I inspire the same in others. I am fearless and I inspire the same in others. I see beauty in all things and inspire the same in others. I have unconditional love, compassion and patience for myself and I am able to serve others in the same way.
wow. I feel so different. I definitely recommend this little exercise. No need for anti-depressant. (funny, but as I look at those two words, which are both negative, "anti" and Depressant" how can anyone even expect to feel better?!?!) I have been taking a shot of Raw Apple Cider Vinegar in the AM without knowing exactly why, just knowing it was good for me. Well today I bought the braggs book on why, and well, trust me, its the bomb. I suggest this simple recipe. Which I just drank down myself:)
A good blob of RAW honey - raw honey still has all enzymes and nutrients
2 tsps of BRAGGS RAW APPLE CIDER VINEGAR "ACV"
1 Mug of Hot h2o.
Stir and enjoy:)
I will write about the benefits of ACV at a later date in time...but trust me, its the best:)
Ok, back on tour on back to yesterday.
Day 16 of fortythree:
Today was the bomb. I met with an awesome gal who is an art student at CCA, check out her website http://www.stephanielaursen.com/ . She stopped by for an hour or so, I somehow managed to present a comprehensible explanation of my ideas and she is going to work with me on creating a logo! weeeeeeeeeeeee! I am so excited:) I also confirmed a photoshop and illustrator private session for next monday and tuesday. Step by step, day by day, makin moves:)
I also had the bomb ice-cream for lunch. I know I know the whole bit on being responsible for my health and diet, well, sometimes my health and diet needs a little La-Loos rumplemint goat ice cream:) If la-loo's knocks, you best answer:)
OK gang. Well I hope you enjoyed todays tour. I hope some of my questions and insights were helpful, or at the least, entertaining for you!
With all the love in me and around me to all the love in you and around you.
Mahaloha
:)
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