day 43 of FORTYTHREE

***Warning*** the following has to do with Bodyscaping...aka...landscaping for the body to keep it nice and pretty....

WAX ME WHERE?!?!?!

I had just endured 5 minutes of waxing in an ever so delicate area when the aestetician asked me to roll over on my belly. I followed ordered..thinking to myself, Hmmm, this is weird, but ok. Then she asks me to grab my buttocks and spread my cheeks.

WHAT?!?

I asked her if she was serious. "EXCUSE, but ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Yes. she said. Her clients have been asking to wax INBETWEEN THE CHEEKS so often that she added it as part of the deal.

Wait. Excuse me. No offense, but people pay to get the inside of their butt waxed??? Really??!!? I have always been one to stay neat and well...neat, but this is ridiculous.

Are we that concerned about our looks that we feel the need to get our inner buttocks waxed.

Times they are a changing I guess.

In the end, I ended up with hands-down the best wax EVER, and I left with cheeks-au-naturale.

http://www.mariynjaegerskincare.com/ if you are in the bay area:)

Tomorrow morning I am off to Austin Texas for the Austin City Limits Festival! YAY!!

Then down to Padre Island to visit my best friend.

Then back to the East bay for 2 weeks

Then to Kauai for...the winter:)

I will be starting another blog and hope you all follow me there as well!

Thanks so much for being inspiration for me to get going with my dreams!

I love you all to the ends of the universe and back, TWICE!

hahah:)

xxxoo

:)

day 41 of fortythree

Im sitting here in a half packed room once again and feel inclined to jot some things down...what better place to do so than here! I realized the other day that I havent lived in the same house for more than two years since I left home for college. In 2000. Almost TEN years ago.

2 years of dorm living

2 years of off campus housing - in 2 different houses

3 years of summer housing

1 semester in Europe

3 months on my friends couch on 94th and 1st

2 years in my own bed in NYC (1 year in a room, 1 year in a make shift living-room room)

6 days on an "organic farm" (which that is was not) on the Big Island, HI

3 weeks at a house on the north shore of Oahu, HI

1 week at a house on Maui, HI

1 week at a house on Kauai, HI

1 week at a bed and breakfast on Kauai, HI

5 months at a house on Keneke St, Kauai, HI

1.5 years at a house on Ulua Street, Kauai HI

1 Week on a couch in Oakland, Ca

7 months at a house on Keith Ave, Oakland, CA

3 months at a house on Colby Street, Oakland, CA

NEXT - somewhere on Kauai with my beautiful friends...then maybe paris? india?

(thats a whole lotta packing and unpacking people)

As you can see, its fair to say I have moved around quite a bit the past few years or 10 or so. But I have never felt so at home with who I am than I do know. If it took me packing and upacking for the past ten years, well I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't realize this saitsfaction in my own "homeness" until the other day. I was having a glorified midnight txt msg conversation with an old friend and he told me, or rather texted to me...(verbatim), "U r not settled. U r all over the map. U have no roots. No home other than your own...(the rest I will leave out because it is neither here nor there) This person was telling me the truth of my life as seen through their eyes. (The only truth of your life is through your own eyes...) I don't think he was trying to insult me, but he sure as heck wasn't trying to make me feel great. The funny thing is, I have never been so pleased with a statement before! One of my life goals has been to establish my own "foundation" and to feel at home wherever I may go. It seems I am right on track with that one!

It wasn't until I read this message that I realized how far I had come. Time flys by so fast, we rarely take the time to notice all that we accomplish between this job and that new relationship, moving here and moving there. I am here to declare that it doesn't matter with who or what or where you are at any given time, because you are ALWAYS HERE AND NOW. The only house one can have is their own "internal house". All the material substances we weigh our successes on are nothing but creations of the ego and can be gone in the blink of an eye. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE things. Especially nice things. But those things don't make you any more you than..well... shoots im drawing a blank! Any more than something that doesn't do a damn thing for you!

So here is to you, I raise my glass (and so does my buddy in the picture above) for all you have done, all the lessons and experiences you have travelled through to get you to this point. I raise my glass again (why stop its so much much!) for all the wonderfully empowering and self-realizing adventures to come! Shabbat Shalom!

I look forward to seeing you there!

LOVE&GRATITUDE.

day 37 of fortythree

Accepting and opening ourselves to receive unconditional love. From self, from others & from the universe. Easier said than done, but none the less the results will far surpass the efforts. I do not know for sure, in personal experience as I still feel blocked in that area but my "higher self" knows that is an unquestionable truth.

Blocks. When we are young we are told to play with them. Here junior or juniorette, here are blocks in every shape and color, texture and density, alphabets, letters and colors oh my for you to build and create and ultimately demolish. Without a care in the world we built towers and castles, homes and fortresses to play out our childhood fantasies and dreams. We were free to create and explore the depths of our imagination and play roles that felt right or intrigued us. I would pretend to be an archaeologist. I would take my moms blush brush and walk around dusting everything looking for "discoveries". Skeletons, diamonds, jewels, I loved every second. When I grew tired of that dream I would move onto the next. No worries, no harm down.

Blocks these days are of a different kind. They are built out of nothing more than our deranged constructed stories, yet feel more concrete than a New York City sidewalk....at 5:30pm...on a wednesday. We may not even know where or why they came to be, but come to be they have. These blocks have taught me a thing or two the hard way, and I am just now learning how to navigate through them with grace and a bit of poise. They used to sabotage my life. Cut me down, spin me 'round and spit me the heck out....but only because I let them.

Follow your soul. Listen to your heart. Do what feels right, even if your mind reasons it as wrong. Life is here to be experienced. Life is here to be enjoyed. my best friend is the perfect example of that and I hope she reads this so she knows how much I admire her for just that. Be grateful for your past, but let it go. Be in the moment, here and now and give out what you intend to receive.

day 36 of fortythree

Goodmorning friends and family!

I wanted to start the day by giving thanks and sending love&gratitude to everyone and everything. especially those that know my phone number by heart:)

Let's be open and allowing for the magic and beauty of the day to unravel:)

Let your dreams be real, let yourself be guided from your heart and have some fun!!
Laugh with your friends, get out in nature, stay positive, stay in love&gratitude.

Ill be back later:)

Aloha
:)

day 29-35 of forty three

Aloha world!

I have taken a small break from writing because I felt I wasn't accomplishing much and didn't think anyone would want to hear about what I was doing while I wasn't doing what I set out to do.....right.

Anyway, life, as I keep learning IS NOT about what we think we are SUPPOSED to or SHOULD BE doing. My best friend has a ring that says it all. It is the journey, not the destination.

I will write more towards the end of the day, but after some care and concern from some dear friends, I realized I needed to get "blogging" again!

9:29pm Monday, September the 21st, 35th day out of 43. holy schmeggegies! (my mom is visiting and her yiddish sayings are definately rubbing off on me!)

Patience, compassion, patience, compassion, patience, compassion.

I have been finding myself in an interesting place the past two weeks. I am not a violent person by nature, but I keep picturing a boxing ring with "american culture" in one corner and "universal truth" in the other. American culture "AC" throws out a punch screaming you have nothing to show for yourself, you are 27years old and havent even lived in the same place for more than 24months. You are single, financially surviving, but far from thriving, you have no assets, or savings, or stocks. You say you want to start this company, but where is your product? what is your plan? how will you do it? WHAM. Universal Truth "UT" comes back from being wailed in the face as if nothing has happened. There are no guidelines to life besides what feels right for you. There is no timeline waiting to be filled in on the dotted lines. Time doesn't exist. Your fear is not real. Finances do not make you. Everything is happening exactly as it should be. Let go. Let go. Let go.

AC - 5

UT - 12

stay tuned.

I only feel this, on my 35th day of blogging; If you dont believe in yourself, who can you believe in. If you dont take on risk on yourself, well what the heck do you expect out of life. Just do it. Whatever is in your heart, give yourself a fair chance. You have nothing to loose and simply everything in your wildest imagination to gain. (which can get pretty wild for some people!) If it really is about the journey, well than make it one to remember. Let yourself get burnt, let yourself learn there are more ways than one to cut a cake - or slice a pie or whatever the saying is. Sheer a sheep?! I have spent the past month and a half and more or less the past 15 years studying and learning about all these incredible esoteric life teachings, writings, ancient texts and new discoveries and and it still doesn't change what feels right before it has the chance to register with my brain.

WE ARE REALLY GENIUSES IN DISGUISE! I CRACKED THE CODE!! HALLELUJAH!!!

ok...this little genius is tired. and promises to write tomorrow. and also promises to up the content anty:)

Aloha

:)

As Heidi Klum says, in the world of blogging, sometimes your in. sometimes your out.

*disclosure - the time on the clock is not a true estimate of my actual return:)

:)

xxoo

day 29 of fortythree

Life is everything we make it. We truly create every single moment and experience. The quest is to take ourselves from living behind the blindfolds of the subconscious into the conscious and further into the all expansive super conscious. We need to feel our breathe moving in and out and know there is more going on that what we see projected on this screen of ours. There are 50trillion cells working cooperatively within our physical bodies that allow us to be. There are energies working cooperatively in the etherel that allow us to be. We need to allow fears to dissolve. Allow pain to dissolve. Allow regret and guilt to dissolve. To feel these are human. To feel these are necessary for continuing on the path towards truth. Towards free, unconditional love. Feel love pulsating in your stomach. Feel love pulsating in your feet. Feel love coursing through your veins and feel love radiating from your physical body. See yourself in everyone you pass. Accept yourself in everyone you pass. See the world for the strength and courage it has to be and do so many different things. See yourself for the strength and courage you have to be and do so many different things. There is no one who can be you. You are the only one. No one can laugh like you, no one can create like you, no one can be. you.

You are here to shine in your greatest life. Not light, but life. Here and Now. You have chosen to live in this time to taste, touch, see, smell and feel the world around you. Follow your bliss. Listen to your heart. Live from your heart. Take chances, know there are no mistakes, all is exactly as it should be. Understand the divinity in chaos, as chaos is divinely just. Welcome your souls calling. You are meant to be amazing. You are meant to live with passion and purpose. You are here to LIVE.

Take just one moment and thank yourself. Thank your body for carrying you, Thank your body for protecting you. Thank your 50trillion cells that make you...you. Today is another opportunity to make things pono(right in hawaiian) Today is another opportunity to be conscious and live in LOVE&GRATITUDE:)

I am conscious. I am love&gratitude. I am focused. I am loved. I love<3

Aloha

xxoo

day 28 of fortythree

I was looking through my journals this evening in an attempt to get inspired. Although things are moving slowly on the accomplishment end, they are moving none the less. My logo is rounding 2nd base and so far I am very pleased. I love the name of this company and I cannot wait to see one of these designs in the physical.

So, the passage. I am not sure where I saw it, but it is lovely.

The only way to get what you want,

is to know what you really want.

and the only way to know what you really want,

is to know yourself.

and the only way to know yourself,

is to be yourself.

and the only way to be yourself,

is to listen to your heart.

What do ya say ladies and gentleman! Lets listen away. But first, there is more...

This is not a painless process.

Especially when you consider what it would take to emotionally

accept going towards that which is completely opposite to

what you are used to, familiar, predictable, consistent and secure!

I came across a rough draft of my original business plan and feel it would serve me to put these words out to the world.

...I see people from all walks of life changing their outlook on life from this concept. I see the awareness of self-healing grow as people become educated on how powerful thoughts and words really are. I see people taking responsibility for their own lives. I see people that take the time to make conscious decisions and choices. I see people that live in their hearts.

...my individual purpose is to drop the atomic love bomb on the world. Unconditional love and inspiration for all. I was once told that I had to "get real" and "stop living in a dream world and join the real world. Which meant stressing and worrying all the time". "Get real", I thought???? My body and my mind could not compute how that was equivalent to "real". I became aware that I was going to be an example that our dreams can be "real". I will show that it is possible to have an inspiring and fulfilling life. I will show that it is possible to believe in something so much, see it come alive in your dreams and thoughts, to work hard (harder than you ever thought you could) persevere and finally, wake up to realize it is no longer solely in your thoughts and dreams but alive in the physical, tangible world. At this moment nothing is more important than following my own intuition, creating the life I want to live, being of service to others and making a big difference in a positive way.

...the more mindful we are to different areas in our lives that keep coming up for review (which is a nice way to say when we notice we are on the gerbil wheel...) the better we can handle and be prepared for what is being asked of us to learn. The signals will be there. We need to take off the blinders, let go of assumptions and be open:)

We can live our dreams

We can create our dreams

1 person can make a difference

but a whole lot of people can make a whole lot of difference.

My mission is to create a mmd sustainable company that serves all in the highest and best way with ease and grace. To provide high quality, detail oriented, locally produced love filled offerings to the world inspiring, encouraging and supporting those ready to make a conscious difference in their lives. To provide an arena for health, healing, self-inquiry, universal love and appreciation to manifest. To feel alive, love and be loved every single moment of every single day. I am committed to living, creating and enjoying health, balance and freedom on all levels.

I AM ALSO COMMITTED TO LEARNING HOW TO NOT ABUSE RUN-ON-SENTENCES! (bear with me....RRRRRRAAAARR!)

Tomorrow - wake up with an intention for the day. Think of one thing you have always wanted to do differently and make a conscious effort to follow through. Wash, rinse and repeat:)

Aloha

:)

day 27 of fortythree

Insecurities, frustrations, challenges, lessons, self acceptance, self love, universal love.

Im not sure if it's the moon or the cloudy skies that have rolled over the East Bay, but the past few days have left me feeling down and out in a way. Nothing bad has happened to me or around me, but my energy is low and my overall vivaciousocity is lower than normal. At first I didn't like feeling this way. I automatically associated feeling down to negative and unacceptable. I realized that I was just making myself feel worse for feeling worse. Hello beginnings of vicious cycle. Thank you for stopping by, but you are no longer welcome at this party. I realized that if Im feeling low or down or tired, then thats how I feel. No need to analyze, no need to freak that I am not bouncing off the walls. Just allow. It will pass, and a whole lot quicker once it is allowed to be. I realized in the past when I didn't like something I would do the opposite of what you think one would do when confronted with such a thing (follow that?). Instead of saying no thanks, or walking away and moving on I would say...why hello gnarly yuck wont you please come it. I'd hold the door open and even offer for it to stay for awhile, relax, take a load off. Can I get you anything? Then the fun starts because we sit down together and I ask this thing to tell me the story over and over and over again. And when it's finished, I say, Oh please....one more time. (see the picture Im painting here)

It is OK to feel down. To be tired or frustrated or pissed. But we don't have to keep re-living every detail of the story. We can read it once, maybe twice and put it back on the shelf. I have learned that it is better for my own health (mental, physical and emotional) and the health of everyone around me to do just that. I have come to realize that those are not the stories I want to be telling. Nor are they the stories I want to be living. Change you belief and change your biology. We have the infinite power to change our minds every ticking second of the day.

For example: All I want is love. I want to be in a beautiful loving inspiring intoxicatingly connective relationship. I feel I have done so much self work that I am ready to share my heart, open my life and be vulnerable. [insert easy button here] All around me I see people who are in love. People getting married, having babies, creating businesses, making dinners, enjoying rainy sunday afternoons. My first reaction and my patterning is to think, why does everyone else have the one thing I want. In these times of despair I have thought about calling those close to me, who I know love me, and asking them if they think I will find the love I am looking for...and will it find me. But something comes over me. This voice inside that I have been waiting to hear my whole life has finally found her way to me. She says, Lauren, You are loved and you know you will have all your hearts wishes. Calling these people and asking them this question is dis empowering. Asking this question is speaking in doubt, which is really saying you dont believe it will happen. Let go and allow life to present her gifts to you. I promise you will be most surprised and most satisfied.

Maybe this is called self-soothing for adults. It's hard because you want that instant comfort and assurance. Its like parents waiting outside the nursery door of their new baby. Biting nails because they don't know if they should go in or stay put. Finally, well hopefully finally, by the time they are done going back and forth weighing the options, go in stay out go in stay out, there is silence. The baby has settled and all is well (for the moment at least!)

So yea, Im not really sure where I was going with all of this! But here I am:) Hi:)

I wish you all a wonderful evening or a great day and all the love in the universe:)

p.s. I would be open to hear if anyone out there has a good idea for a name for my company...if anyone is out there reading this!

ok:)

Goodnight
:)

day 26 of fortythree

*before I start on today's blog, I need to pre and post excuse my grammar. I never edit my entries and for the first time re-read them the other day. Though's that should be thoughts.... I get so caught up in transferring the info from my mind THROUGH the hands and onto these keys that grammar has taken a back seat:) Thanks for understanding and pardoning, I will be more conscious from now on:)

Today I went to Golden Gate Park to take part in the Power to the Peaceful free concert featuring Michael Franti and Alanis Morrisette. http://powertothepeaceful.org/?page_id=48 I much before the former over the latter:) It was incredible to be surrounded by such high vibes and incredibly powerful and positive music...FOR FREE!! Lucky for me there were tons of booths selling local made clothes, many tee shirts with a message. I am always inspired and motivated when I see other people doing what I am in the process of creating. It is very interesting to me that many of these local businesses were created from a boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife team. To me it makes perfect sense. As much as we all want to do things all by ourselves, there is something to be said for the balance of masculine and feminine, yin and yang, cheech and chong:) On a deeper level, something is being born out of love (without the morning sickness and rest-of-your-life-responsibility) I find perfection in this. Perhaps its because I am a cheesey love-a-holic, but who cares!

I should start L-A-H-A "LOVE-A-HOLICS-ANONYMOS"

I left the concert feeling like this mission of mine is to get this message out in a big way. I will get this message out in a big way. The more and more comfortable and confident I feel talking about this idea, the more and more people I meet who feel the same way. I have met so many people who WANT TO FEEL GOOD, WANT TO BE CONSCIOUS, WANT TO LOVE LIFE and WANT TO UNDERSTAND and QUESTION WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

I ended up talking for a few minutes with a nice fellow who lives here in Berkeley and was working for his buddy selling tee shirts. We got to talking about how people feel uncomfortable feeling their feelings when they are "negative. As if its not ok to feel sad or bummed or plain old pissed off. This topic really struck home for me because I have felt that way. I feel being conscious and present means allowing and being true to your feelings. Its more so how we "react" that we need to be conscious of. Just because we are feeling shitty doesn't pave the way to treating everyone who crosses our path....shitty. But I think it is important to welcome all feelings. To be true to ourselves in every moment.

Sometimes we feel great and beautiful and confident and outgoing and on top of the world. We step outside and the world supports our strut. Other times our energy mellows out, we need to slow down, we need time to reflect, connect and feel whats going on in our lives. Both sides of the coin equally important.

So here is to the sunshine and here is to the rainy day.

Aloveha:)

day(s) 23, 24 and 25 of fortythree

Today is September 11th, 2009. I would like to take a moment of peace in my body to be thankful for all life has to offer on this day. To send my love to those who are no longer in the physical, to their families of those who lost loved ones and to all of humanity. I want to send my love to those who have angered me, upset me and frustrated me. I want to send my love to everyone. Especially our men and women who are over seas, especially to the men and women and children and pets overseas who no longer remember what life was like before "war". I want to take this time and infuse the vibration of today with LOVE & GRATITUDE FOR ALL BEINGS. AS WE ARE ALL ONE AND THE SAME.

Today, I will be conscious to see all as one. To put myself in others shoes and see myself in everything, and everything in myself. I am responsible for my actions, my thoughts and my behavior. I invite you to do the same.

-----------TAKE A BIG BREATHE & THANK YOURSELF & LOVE YOURSELF-----------

The reason this is a triple decker post is because I was feeling so crumbalicious the past few days, I simply didn't feel like writing about it. Not to mention I was sans (without) internet for 2 days and I am not operating without an antivirus...oh no! hahaha:) Its like having unprotected sex with millions of strangers, but worse!!!!!

ok, so catch you up to speed here is a snapshot of what has happened.

1 week ago I thought, holy shit, what am I going to do for the month of October? Then I thought, holy shit, what I am doing...period! (hence the beginning of last blog) I started to feel really down. I started feeling heavy and bummed:( It is interesting because nothing had changed....drum roll.....but my PERCEPTION! ok, so on with the story.

I had no idea and was feeling a bit lost. I was conscious that I was feeling the way I was but didn't feel like cheering myself up. Sometimes we gotta feel what is inside. I think it is important to acknowledge all of our feelings, not just sort through and pick the bright shiny ones:) Ok, ok, back to the story for real. Tuesday, 2pm I am in the tenderloin neighborhood of SF taking my final tutorial with Antonio - my Romanian digital know-how when my phone rings and a gentleman named Travis is on the other line. Travis works for a local radio station K-PIG (which if you know me is hilarious because I LOOOOOOOOOVE pigs) telling me that I won three-day passes, hotel and round trip airfare for 2 to AUSTIN CITY LIMITS!http://2009.aclfestival.com/

pardon me Antonio for a minute..I turn and SCREAM!!! HOLY SHIT!!! FOR REAL???

I had forgot a few weeks ago, while I was dropping off film from my new Diana F http://microsites.lomography.com/diana/ at a local photo shop, I had filled out one of those postcard like things that you drop in the box. Seriously though, I have been filling them out since my family went to Woo's Hunan Chinese Restaurant in Suffern NY back in the early 90's. I think I filled one out for my cat Sunkist once, and he won a trip to an RV show. But I have never won anything like this ever. WOW. But the great news doesn't stop there. And actually doesn't stop for quite some time. The concert is a 3 day all day event, and since I am flying from the west coast, they suggested I come a night before so I don't miss anything on Friday. An extra night on you blessed company..sure thing! They are also flying my partner in crime in from a different location. They have also extended my trip an entire week so I can visit with my best friend who just moved to Padre Island..... I basically am getting a free trip for almost 2 weeks to TEXAS:) MAHALO MAHALO MAHALO NUI LOA UNIVERSE!!!

Luck? Maybe? But I CHOOSE happiness. I CHOOSE to be responsible for my actions and my thoughts. Maybe this is the kind of stuff that happens when we stay positive and live in the high vibrations of LOVE&GRATITUDE! (ok, with a side of super lucky as well!!)

Many people ask me why and how I could have ever left life on Kauai. But we need change in order to grow and sometimes that change comes in the literal version of get up, get moving and get changing! When I first moved to the Bay Area, of course I though, What the heck did I just do??? Really Lauren? Really? But now, more than half a year later and I am so thrilled with my chutzpah http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/chutzpah to leave my warm and familiar comfort zone. I have once again learned an incredible amount about myself, my abilities and what I want in my life and what I want to give in my life. I have made home in another beautiful location and have created family where I once felt alone. (hahahahah, I'm sorry but that last line really made me laugh at myself!!!! hahahah!!) I have been thinking about what to do for the winter as far as staying in the East bay or moving on. I have been open, allowing myself to be guided and supported and I let go because to be honest, I really have no idea how things are going to turn out. I only know how I want to feel. So yesterday, the bat-phone rang, I answered and mama Kauai was on the other line. She said, Hunny Child, come on back for the winter! I didn't have to think about it. It FELT so right in my body. I had a previous ticket back to Kauai that expired Nov 3rd, so I booked it for the Oct 29th. WOW. 7 days ago I was bumming and had no plan. Today, I am on top of the world and so grateful and blissed out! What is awesome is I get to pay all these feelings and vibes forward to everyone!!!

As far as my business goes. It is still full steam ahead. I work continuously on it everyday. To be honest (yet again) I work on it every moment of everyday because it is a reflection of who I am. I have done exactly what I wanted to do here in the bay area. I have made extremely important contacts and established relationships that will last lifetimes (since they already have!) I have dialed into a clear focus on what and how I want to create and I have started on my way. I found it to be so challenging to accomplish things before I had the mission to create this clothing line (for real). I had all this energy and urge to create - but no outlet. So I am plugged in and charging everyday. Oh my god, am I really this cheesy??? seems so:)

With just under a month and half - which we know can change worlds, I plan on utilizing every second to propel myself closer to my goal. I will have 5 designs ready to go before I leave and I will have contract to sell in 5 stores in the bay area.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU:)

love&gratitude

aloha&mahalo

HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

xxoo

:)

day 22 of fortythree

Aloha world:)

I want so badly to say I am feeling smooth and relaxed, but in order to be honest with you and honest with myself, it is the contrary. I am feeling a bit confused, a bit doubted and totally unsure. What exactly am I trying to do with this clothing line and will I even be able to do it? What exactly am I doing with my life? And will I be able to do it? (yea, its one of those extreme kinda days....) I have just finished reading The Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton and as inspiring and informative as it was, I am finding myself stuck in these "tapes". see below..

"tapes" From 0 - 6 our subconscious is formed. Especially from 2 - 6 when are brain waves are operating at the Theta frequency - which is when we get "programmed" so to say. The minds of children are so comprehensible and absorbent it's amazing. I always picture a cassette tape that has been plopped into my mind, playing all these stories of fear and self doubt. They are not my tapes and to be fair they aren't the tapes of my parents either. It is so important to remember that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. But back to the tapes for a moment. The tapes...well shoots, the whole entire library is housed in the subconscious mind. Which has been proven time and time again to be stronger than the conscious mind, especially in the "flight or fight" response. And is also conveniently our "default setting", how comforting to know that really truly, when shit hits the fan, we are more likely to fall into our old, unconscious, self-degrading, un-loving patterns! Yay! Lets hear it for our subconscious thought patterns!

Why is that important to know? Because when stress is introduced into our life, our bodies automatically go into fight or flight mode. Stress is the cause for I will say 90% of illnesses and dis-eases we experience today. It's not surprising that once again, we have this incredible built in tool for actually saving and preserving our livelihood which has been over used and taxed out due to our "modern day culture" The flight or fight response, as you may know is an incredibly intelligent built in safety tool. It allows all of our blood and energy to be redirected and used for getting the hell outta dangers way. How ironic that our "minds" seems to have replaced getting chased by mountain lions. So, every single time you stress out, say goodbye to digestive enzymes, say goodbye to blood smoothly circulating and nurturing your WHOLE body, say goodbye to the homeostatic balance that is needed to keep your nervous system, immune system, respiratory system in balance and running optimally. Say Hello to, high blood pressure, IBS, Constipation, Diarrhea, Chronic Headaches, Weight Gain, Depression, Low Energy, Diabetes, Chronic Fatigue, must I really go on???

It has been proven time and time again, disease = dis-ease. The missing link, and my passion in life is EDUCATING as many people as possible on the infinite power they have in determining the health, wealth and happiness of their own life. The government has been numbing our minds and dare I say....brainwashing us.....into thinking we are INCAPABLE! People, WE NEED TO WAKE UP! Now is our time. We have proven to ourselves that just popping pills aren't the answer, that quick fixes never work and the way we operate today is slowly killing us. More so, ITS NOT EVEN ENJOYABLE!

I really truly souly believe in my heart and my entire being that we can live in heaven on earth. We can educate ourselves on....who knew....OURSELVES! We have invested too much in other people. It is high time to stand in front of the mirror and say. Ok, I am starting here. We education, support, guidance and motivation to become aware of these "tapes" and understand they aren't ours and they really aren't anyone in particulars. We need to know that we can stop them, that we can change course, that we can CHANGE OUR BIOLOGY WITH OUR THOUGHTS.

Is this easy? Hell Freakin NO! I have been working on this for 27years. But I will tell you, life has never tasted sweeter than it does at this moment. (ok, so I am no longer in my crappy bummer mood) In reality, I have never felt so alive, so conscious and so responsible for me and my "INTERPRETATION" on life. After all, EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE:) I used to be afraid to speak out about how I was feeling, shit, I used to be afraid this really think about how I was feeling. If I was sad or bummed or depressed, I felt worse because I thought I should be happy and light and bubbly. If something bad happened I thought, Of course, I don't deserve good things, those things don't happen to me, blah sad story blah. But that's just the thing...they were STORIES....just not my true story.

So...once again I find myself at a mission statement. But instead of speaking in the future tense as if it hasn't happened and I am waiting for it to, I will speak as if I am doing and it is happening, ah the joys in the power of words and thoughts....ok so here we go....

I explode with world with unconditional love, understanding and compassion. I educate, inspire, encourage and support all beings who are ready to take responsibility for THEIR LIVES. I am a channel for love and energy. I am at the forefront of this amazing conscious shift where humans turn in for the answers. I am love. I am light. I am me...I am you. I guess the Beatles were spot on when they wrote the lyrics..."I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together". I will say that I do believe in God, some guiding force, and that we are that. Each and everyone of us are the same exact, while having the human ability to be completely ourselves!!!

ok folks....ci vediamo:)

ALOHA

:)

day 20 & 21 of fortythree

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN....I HAVE TAKEN A LOVAH!

Allow me to introduce.... PHOTOSHOP:)

I had my very first date with "PS" as its called and it was instant attraction. As a computer illiterate, PS has always been a distant dream to me...unattainable, not possible, not ever going to happen. Well, never say never. Thanks to my new matchmaker, Antonio, I am now head over heals. It's amazing how much we limit ourselves because we aren't aware of the infinite possibilities. I have had all these "linear" designs in my mind that now have the opportunity to evolve ino this rich, yummy.....I dont know what...it's the BOMB!

I already have my second date tomorrow:)

I would love to write more, but you know how it goes when you discover a new love. You don't want to do anything else...but them! hahahahah:) I am funny:) and true:)

so back to photoshop for this girl. Tomorrow I will upload the first round of stickers.

real quick...here are some goals:
1. create stickers to start planting the seeds of this company - think of me as the "johhny appleseed" of love&gratitude.
2. acquire domain name and get basic webpage stating...COMING SOON.
3. start getting tee shirt designs together
4. send designs to screenprinter (or do myself - now that i see how much i love ps...i think i will loooove silkscreening myself as well!!)
5. spread the love to the people

go to sleep
dream well
wake up
do it all again
but bigger and better
:)

aloha
:)

day 19 of fortythree

well just as rice is white (but sometimes brown, sometimes red, sometimes long, short, ok, not a good analogy) well, regardless, just as rice is white the days are flying past me. I am almost to my halfway point:) Everyday I remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be. Everything is unfurling in its divine time and I am here to navigate the here and now.

As I mentioned a few days ago I was offered a Full Time job cooking for this computer gaming company, ZYNGA (aka mafia wars on facebook). I am still not sure which direction to go on this one. Being the eternal optimist I see it has potential as a great opportunity to start in with a company that is growing at rapid rates. There are opportunities for "upward movement" and mgmt positions. Not to mention stock options, 401K, and that whole bag of goodies. For some reason though, as much as I know those goodies are great, they never seduce me. I really want to be doing what I love. At the same time, I think, Well Lauren, in a year from now, do you want to be climbing the proverbial rungs of someone else's ladder, or building the concrete steps to your own kingdom???!!! Can I do both? All I can do is be clear on what I want in this life. See it, feel it and believe it to be so. I have a "test run" on wednesday so we will see....stay tuned:)

A great mantra to help calm the mind and center the nerves is this one below. It is to lord Ganesh - who is the creator and remover of all obstacles. So allow me to be cheesy and proceed to say that yes, we need obstacles and challenges to prove to ourselves we CAN DO.

Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha

(OM GUM GAN-NA-PA-TAI-EY NAH-MA-HA)

I am changing old patterns that left me empty, confused and frustrated into opportunities to practice bein open, being grounded, being guided, supported and loved. I use this mantra when I feel my mind start wandering down the long hall of misfits. Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha ...over and over and over again:) It reminds me of a lesson someone once taught me while I was working in NYC. I was in Real Estate and learning the ins and outs of dealing with one of the craziest markets and how to guide my clients instead of being dragged behind them. I was told to imagine my client and myself at the end of a very long hallway with 100's of doors, tons of options. I was told to pick my option and close every other door along the way until I reached the one I wanted to enter. Using mantra's or singing the verse of a song is similar to this. Be conscious, be active and responsible for your mood. You have the choice to open or close any of the doors...choose the one that serves your in the highest and best manner.

As far as my impatience and urge for instant gratification goes, I am reminded of another story and left letting go and letting "GOD" (yes, I believe in GOD and GODDESSES and ENERGY and SPIRIT and the DIVINE and MINT CHOCO ICE CREAM) In a cab ride to work a few months ago, the cab driver was so thrilled to talk and show us his 10year old project that finally made it to the market. Maybe it was 17years, but I am not sure, either way it was a number that made me think, dang thats a long time to pursue a dream! Regardless, Here he was, as excited or more so, than the day he thought of the idea. His creation were different children's card games with math problems printed on the upper corners of the cards. The objective, like many parents and teachers, making learning fun! WEEEEEEE! Along with the cards, an App for the IPHONE and a board game were on their way to the public market. I had so much respect for this man. A cabby, average 15years after his original idea and he did it. He didnt give up and he didnt loose faith and he ispired me:)

NEVER LET THE ODDS KEEP

YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU

KNOW IN YOUR HEART

YOU WERE MEANT TO DO

:)

Aloha

<3

day 18 of fortythree

Today was incredible. I haven't had a day like this in years. Literally. I was in my pajamas until 1:45pm and didn't enter the public world until 2:30. Whoa, 2:30, I know its nothing crazy, I know some people sleep till 2:30, but for me....it was a big deal. If I am in bed at 8am, I feel like I slept my morning away. I was in bed all day because I couldn't stop reading Dr. Bruce Liptons book, The Biology of Belief, www.brucelipton.com/store/biology-of-belief

It blows my mind that we live life today with a foundation of "rules" and "laws" that are simply outdated theories that have been proven untrue! Hello world, what the heck is going on here!!!??? Are we really a civilization that prides itself on being deaf, dumb and blind? How is it that we are such suckers of marketing? Please, I am number 1 sucker of marketing at times. For example; I am cruzing the floors at whole foods picking up my weekly fare of what I believe are good foods for me to eat in order to be healthy. I walk down the frozen isle to pick up my smoothie acai packs and frozen blueberries. I open the door and there infront of me are 3 or 4 options of frozen blueberries. I am instantly drawn to the packaging I like the best. Why? Is the dollar and change difference for a package that is going to end up in the garbage necessary? No. But until now, I wasn't even aware of this. It was an unconscious act. Open door, go to most aesthetically pleasing object, pick it up, put in wagon, pay extra $$. Ah the cycle goes on and on:)

Dr. Bruce Lipton is at the forefront of this most exciting and inspiring cosmic shift...CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS CHANGE YOUR BIOLOGY. Explaining in layman terms (thank you for that Bruce) (Yes, I love this man so much I feel comfortable being on a first name basis!) Simple Cellular biology, how we came to be, how we function and so on. He has proven that the character of our lives is determined not by our genes but by our response to the environment.

There is so much to say and so much to share, I am overwhelmed. I need a day to finish the book. Then a day to process, then I will share. But please, I highly recommend reading this book if you are at all interested in learning how and why we act the way we do, how you can change old limiting patterns and take responsibility for creating an enrichingly wonderful life.

signing out for now.
Aloha
:)

day 16 & 17 of fortythree

Aloha :)

wow. where to begin. I have so much to say, I have had so many thoughts and feelings and emotions its possible I just lived through 17 different lifetimes in the past 32 hours:)

I will start where I am at this moment and make my way back in time. Today is the first day in awhile that I am feeling the need to be quiet (what a rare moment I know!) and go within. Alot has happened in this big world of mine over the past month (and 27years) and sometimes we need to hang up our "will return sign". As a women, we are blessed with a monthly opportunity to slow down, take care of ourselves, nourish, reflect and recharge. It has been said that we are the divine and let me tell you, even the divine need some down time:) So after an 11am interview at an up and coming Internet business, Zynga (maybe you have heard of mafia wars?) well, that is theirs, and the company is named after the CEO's pup...who just passed away:( I have a full time job if I want it. No I will not be programming computer games but creating the nutritional feasts that will enable the know hows to create computer games. It's super mellow, so very flexible, there are dogs all around (except in the kitchen!) and the company is about to take off. I've got a "test run" next Wednesday and we will see how it goes. Until then, I am letting go, trusting that I am guided and supported in order to accomplish, live, love and learn all that my soul desires.

Ok tour, moving on to the next exhibit. RELATIONSHIPS. yay. my favorite and equally my not favorite. Please let me know that I am not alone when I say this next realization. The one thing I want and desire more than anything else is the one thing I fear and question more than anything else. I know I am not a total freak of nature - although it has been questioned in the past (seriously)...but I have to believe the population is not 1 with this. Fear and doubt only exist when we resist. But what exactly am I resisting? Am I resisting being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with the right person? Have I really learned enough over the past few years to really really know how to listen to myself. Will I really know when it is the right person, and is it ok to not know? I have come to this place of vulnerability. I just don't know. I do trust myself and I know there are no mistakes, but this mind of mine is still on a steady march towards peace. Sometimes I find myself thinking more than feeling. Questioning, analysing and wishing I was the A type personality so I could successfully write a 2 column pro and con list...(but alas I am not!)

I used to drive myself crazy with all these thoughts. I am not at the place in my spiritual practice where I can let them go as quickly as they arrive, but I am at the place where after a nights rest, I can find the chord of harmony between heart and mind. I used to repeat these questions of doubt and worry over and over and over and over and you-get-the-point in my mind until...ta-da, I created a negative, worrisome and doubtful situation. All hail the universal power of our thoughts. The universe creates blindly. There are no negative or positive, there only IS. Which is why, it is my mission to educate as many humans as possible on their infinite power to create their reality. To educate people on their infinite power to heal, nurture, create, experience and express themselves.

On my bart ride back to the east bay this little voice came into focus. Sweet girl, it said. The longer you ponder your doubts, the longer you will doubt. Change your belief, change your biology. Create the life you want. Well big bold and beautiful universe, this is what I want. This is what I am creating.

I have a beautifully rich life of color, sound texture and taste. I am surrounded by the warmth of love from my friends and family which allows me to generate this warmth to all those I come in contact with. I am the CEO of an incredible conscious and life-promoting and financially successful "community" (Company doesn't feel right to me) where we are able to contribute our love, knowledge, education, experience and vibration to this powerful changing cosmic shift. I am grounded and breathe deeply. I am in the most incredible, loving and compassionate relationship with natures most beautiful man. We inspire, support, challenge, encourage and laugh and love on the daily. Our communication is as clear as Kauai's night sky. We live in trust. We live independently in perfect unison, always conscious of self and other - not to get the two confused! I live a life where I am 100% responsible. That is for everything. My communication and language, my emotions, my actions, my diet, my health and my happiness. I am empowered and I inspire the same in others. I am fearless and I inspire the same in others. I see beauty in all things and inspire the same in others. I have unconditional love, compassion and patience for myself and I am able to serve others in the same way.

wow. I feel so different. I definitely recommend this little exercise. No need for anti-depressant. (funny, but as I look at those two words, which are both negative, "anti" and Depressant" how can anyone even expect to feel better?!?!) I have been taking a shot of Raw Apple Cider Vinegar in the AM without knowing exactly why, just knowing it was good for me. Well today I bought the braggs book on why, and well, trust me, its the bomb. I suggest this simple recipe. Which I just drank down myself:)

A good blob of RAW honey - raw honey still has all enzymes and nutrients

2 tsps of BRAGGS RAW APPLE CIDER VINEGAR "ACV"

1 Mug of Hot h2o.

Stir and enjoy:)

I will write about the benefits of ACV at a later date in time...but trust me, its the best:)

Ok, back on tour on back to yesterday.

Day 16 of fortythree:

Today was the bomb. I met with an awesome gal who is an art student at CCA, check out her website http://www.stephanielaursen.com/ . She stopped by for an hour or so, I somehow managed to present a comprehensible explanation of my ideas and she is going to work with me on creating a logo! weeeeeeeeeeeee! I am so excited:) I also confirmed a photoshop and illustrator private session for next monday and tuesday. Step by step, day by day, makin moves:)

I also had the bomb ice-cream for lunch. I know I know the whole bit on being responsible for my health and diet, well, sometimes my health and diet needs a little La-Loos rumplemint goat ice cream:) If la-loo's knocks, you best answer:)

OK gang. Well I hope you enjoyed todays tour. I hope some of my questions and insights were helpful, or at the least, entertaining for you!

With all the love in me and around me to all the love in you and around you.

Mahaloha

:)

day 15 of fortythree

Ok...so technically this is really the 16th day because its 12:10 on Sept 2nd. But I just got home and for the sake of my rather fickle "OCD" I cannot miss a day and therefore and still calling this day 15. :)

Because it is September 2nd I must wish a dear friend a very Happy Birthday:) Happy Birthday Keith:)

I came across this little passage and it stuck with me throughout the day so I thought I would share it here...

"The soul knows that each experience is deeply enriching in and of it's self and has divine perfection that the ego/mind is blind to seeing."

It amazes me how we all want the same things; to be loved, acknowledged and appreciated. We want to be listened to and more so....and as much as we all seek to be "individuals" we all want to be accepted. I am constantly observing people, and my own behavior simply because I am fascinated with human actions and interactions. During my research the other day I came across an article that talked about life patterns and what causes them. Behind every and all emotions (ok maybe not EVERY, but a heck of alot of them) are 5 fundamental archetypal patterns:

1.ABANDONMENT

2.ABUSE

3.BETRAYAL

4.DENIAL

5.REJECTION

and this passage... "deeper nature & causation may lie beneath the preception of our conscious mind, buried in the habitual responses of our sub-conscious..."

Which is another corner stone for my company...(which may finally have a name!!) BRINGING AWARENESS TO THE SUBCONSCIOUS! What a better way than through fashion and clothing...something as simple as a tee shirt...something that everyone owns and everyone wears to act as a canvas for health, healing and connecting to self!

well....its now 12:25 and I am pooped:)

I hope you all had the best day ever. I love you, and thank you:)

mahaloha:)