day 41 of fortythree

Im sitting here in a half packed room once again and feel inclined to jot some things down...what better place to do so than here! I realized the other day that I havent lived in the same house for more than two years since I left home for college. In 2000. Almost TEN years ago.

2 years of dorm living

2 years of off campus housing - in 2 different houses

3 years of summer housing

1 semester in Europe

3 months on my friends couch on 94th and 1st

2 years in my own bed in NYC (1 year in a room, 1 year in a make shift living-room room)

6 days on an "organic farm" (which that is was not) on the Big Island, HI

3 weeks at a house on the north shore of Oahu, HI

1 week at a house on Maui, HI

1 week at a house on Kauai, HI

1 week at a bed and breakfast on Kauai, HI

5 months at a house on Keneke St, Kauai, HI

1.5 years at a house on Ulua Street, Kauai HI

1 Week on a couch in Oakland, Ca

7 months at a house on Keith Ave, Oakland, CA

3 months at a house on Colby Street, Oakland, CA

NEXT - somewhere on Kauai with my beautiful friends...then maybe paris? india?

(thats a whole lotta packing and unpacking people)

As you can see, its fair to say I have moved around quite a bit the past few years or 10 or so. But I have never felt so at home with who I am than I do know. If it took me packing and upacking for the past ten years, well I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't realize this saitsfaction in my own "homeness" until the other day. I was having a glorified midnight txt msg conversation with an old friend and he told me, or rather texted to me...(verbatim), "U r not settled. U r all over the map. U have no roots. No home other than your own...(the rest I will leave out because it is neither here nor there) This person was telling me the truth of my life as seen through their eyes. (The only truth of your life is through your own eyes...) I don't think he was trying to insult me, but he sure as heck wasn't trying to make me feel great. The funny thing is, I have never been so pleased with a statement before! One of my life goals has been to establish my own "foundation" and to feel at home wherever I may go. It seems I am right on track with that one!

It wasn't until I read this message that I realized how far I had come. Time flys by so fast, we rarely take the time to notice all that we accomplish between this job and that new relationship, moving here and moving there. I am here to declare that it doesn't matter with who or what or where you are at any given time, because you are ALWAYS HERE AND NOW. The only house one can have is their own "internal house". All the material substances we weigh our successes on are nothing but creations of the ego and can be gone in the blink of an eye. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE things. Especially nice things. But those things don't make you any more you than..well... shoots im drawing a blank! Any more than something that doesn't do a damn thing for you!

So here is to you, I raise my glass (and so does my buddy in the picture above) for all you have done, all the lessons and experiences you have travelled through to get you to this point. I raise my glass again (why stop its so much much!) for all the wonderfully empowering and self-realizing adventures to come! Shabbat Shalom!

I look forward to seeing you there!

LOVE&GRATITUDE.